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Occupational hazards
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 EVER heard of qwerty tummy? It’s a stomach bug that attacks via computer keyboards, which, in extreme cases, have been found to harbour up to 150 times more than the acceptable limit of bacteria.
You need eat only a sandwich, sneeze a coupe of times and omit to wash your hands after touching something iffy for a keyboard to crawl more e. coli, coliforms, staphylococcus aureus and enterobacteria than perch on the average lavatory seat. One keyboard, examined by microbiologists for the consumer publication ‘Which?’, was so dirty that it had to be condemned. What was the final outcome, I wonder? Quarantine? Or was it shot at dawn and buried under a couple of metres of cement?
Some prefer it cold
WHEN a seal on sub-Antarctic Marion Island was spotted trying to mate with a penguin (I kid you not - there is authenticated footage of the encounter), the latter was seen to protest loudly, no doubt insisting that the seal had got it wrong. Presumably, the seal then shrugged and, like Osgood Fielding III, in ‘Some Like it Hot’, told the penguin, “Nobody’s perfect.”
Putting on the style
IT would be interesting to know how many of us actually listen to style gurus. These dogma-makers, who occupy much of the media, impose their own interpretation of style on women whom they believe should not be allowed to trust their own judgement. Generally, a style guru’s wrath falls, not on the humble, the dowdy or the frumpy but on celebs who merrily thumb a nose at fashion.
Main targets for scorn are the members of girl bands and, above all, the wives and girlfriends of footballers. Their fake tans, exposed flesh, clothes similar to those worn by pole-dancers before they get down to business, plus huge handbags and dazzling bling all come in for criticism from minimalist fashion writers who refuse to concede that this is the way a large number of females want to look.
And why not? The style of a style guru seldom reflects style on city streets, let alone suburban shopping centres. With the harshest criticism reserved for Victoria Beckham and Coleen McCoughlin, I believe I can also detect irritation combined with envy that they hold more sway than the bossy, overbearing high priestesses of fashion.
Belated congratulations
FORTY years on, it has been claimed that Spain’s late dictator, Francisco Franco, pulled strings to ensure that Cliff Richard and his song, ‘Congratulations’, did not win the 1968 Eurovision Song Contest. So we have something to thank the old boy for, after all.
The time of their lives
NEW fathers now suffer from post-natal depression and, because they are expected to help around the house and with their newborn child, have been found by doctors to be frustrated by their lack of ‘me-time’. If they can bear to shake off their post-baby blues for a second or two, perhaps they would spare a thought for their partners, all of whose spare moments are ‘others’-time’. |  Return to Top
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Tori Spelling - 34 - actress,
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