Mystery of soulless hotels that leaves me feeling cold

Hotel rooms can be lacking in character.

IT always mystifies me how I can pay a small fortune for a minuscule room in a trendy hotel in London and feel less at home than in my own home! 

I dislike the faux environmental concern of: “Washing towels wastes water and is bad for the environment.”  It also costs hotels megabucks which I’m sure is their main concern.  Just come out and be straight with us about it! 

Also hotels which are wholly inflexible regarding check-in, check-out times.  Surely in this computer age they could manage/match the short stayer with the longer stayer?  How about paying by the hour? And no, not what you’re thinking!  

But most basic of all, please, a comfortable bed!  Who wants to end up ram-rod stiff after a couple of nights?  And if there is a pillow menu, a pillow from it shouldn’t be something I should have to beg reception for, is it?  Trust me, it’s invariably mission impossible.

Then there are the curtains.  A reasonable night’s sleep means not being woken up in the morning by light streaming in at 6am.  So, please, provide curtains that do their job first, and are snazzy second. 

Cushions are another bugbear.  I counted fifteen in one hotel room. Hoteliers who put cushions on beds should be smothered with them.  As should those who describe their place as “Boutique” simply because they’ve put pebble-filled jam-jars in bathrooms, towels twisted into ‘swans’ on beds and original, ahem, ‘artwork’ on walls. 

Then there are the satellite/ TV remote controls which require a PhD in technology to operate.  Shower mixers which are so clever they’re a nightmare to switch on.  First, there’s some massive shower head in the ceiling you can’t adjust and as soon as you do manage to switch the thing on, it’s either freezing cold, or scalding hot, but never warm!

Not to mention tea-making facilities which are tucked away in a low-lying drawer, need to be plugged in somewhere else, filled under a mixer-tap in the bathroom and come with tiny-portioned coffee, sugar and curdled milk. 

These are just a few practical issues I’d be really grateful if any hoteliers amongst you out there could consider in 2013.

Think about it from the client’s perspective! Okay, rant over! 

Nora Johnson’s thrillers ‘Soul Stealer’ & ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.com) available from Amazon in paperback/ eBook (€0.89; £0.77) and iBookstore.Profits to Cudeca

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