Oh for a direct answer!

VOTING TIME: May the outcome be beneficial to us all.

HERE we go again. Months of screeching Kay Burley and political purgatory. Never- ending queues of pontifi-cating politicians, filling us with insincere claptrap, and predictably evading any embarrassing questions. 

Oh for a politician who answers a direct question with a direct answer. It’s an art, you know. It’s a parliamentary ploy, honed over many years by people who really don’t give a damn about you or me. 

Cold mercenaries, who simply use any political platform they can to further their own careers. Perhaps we should all try it. WIFE: ‘What were you doing in a restaurant, dining with a young blonde last night?’ HUSBAND: ‘No no darling, you really have to look at the broader picture. A recent poll revealed that it was far more intellectually beneficial to dine out in company than singularly. We must also do all we can to encourage small businesses by bringing them as much custom as possible. We really must all learn to move forward… etc.’ Alright, I know I’m not too good at it, but you get my drift. 

Delighted to see UKIP growing more popular by the hour. Especially when it was over two years ago I advised everyone to look out for them. (Another ‘Leapy rant!?’) To tell the truth, with all the other parties and media constantly discussing the UKIP threat, the added bonus of so much free publicity must be very welcome indeed. Ah well, at least it’s democracy. Let the contest begin and may the outcome be beneficial to all.

My TV is stuck displaying the subtitles for the deaf. Actually with my tinnitus worse than ever, it can actually help with the odd words I don’t catch. I assume it’s triggered by some voice recognition process, which is all well and good, but does sometimes produce some hilarious mistakes. For example, in a football game yesterday it gleefully informed us that a shot was fired at an ‘open goat!’ We were also told that ‘a vessel would write itself,’ ‘a poster had sunk off of cows’ and some poor unfortunate had had ‘a shot across the bowels!’ Lovely stuff.

In the normal run of things, having experienced ‘post incarceration problems,’ I would come out on the side of footballer Ched Evans; after all, he didn’t receive or deserve a life sentence for his criminality. But surely, for this young man to get a more sympathetic ear from his peers, a step in the right direction would be to simply apologise. He doesn’t even have to admit his guilt. 

‘If I misread the young lady’s intentions and behaved inappropriately, then I apologise unreservedly for any suffering I have caused both her and her family.’ Job done. If his young arrogance doesn’t allow him to do even that, then he deserves everything he gets. S’there!

Keep the faith, Love Leapy [email protected]

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