My farton days are over…

Fartons and Jesus pastries. Photo credit: YouTube 

‘EAT any more of those and you’ll start looking like one,’ said hubby Marcus as he watched me shell a boiled egg.

I snapped ‘It’s precisely because I want to stop looking like Humpty Dumpty that I’m scoffing these things!’ 

 This exchange occurred after my decision to radically change my eating habits. I discovered to my horror that I was having trouble buttoning up all of my light-weight summer shirts. A trip to the nearest clothing store confirmed that, during the COVID-19 lockdown, I had gained weight around my midriff and the only shirts that would fit were XL. Normally I’m a medium. 

I did better than most during the lockdown because I was accustomed to working from home, but the only exercise I was getting was moving from the computer to the fridge which I’d filled with stuff like cheese dips and chocolate – items I’d carefully avoided in the past. Worse still, I developed a taste for pastries, especially the Jesus brand.  

Given that I was eating heavy dinners at around midnight, and munching chocolate and fartons at around 6am before going back to bed and sleeping until midday, it’s hardly surprising that I began getting truly out of shape.  

After the lockdown eased, I typed ‘quick ways to lose weight’ into Google. There I found the Indian Boiled Egg Diet which advised me that the two-week plan requires you to have a maximum of two boiled eggs per day with other nutritious foods. 

‘Eggs are loaded with high-quality proteins vitamins A, D, E, B12… These nutrients help build muscle mass, improve metabolic rate and brain function, protect you from heart disease and macular degeneration, produce hormones, and strengthen the immune system. 

‘When you consume eggs, you consume proteins, which take longer to digest. Hence, you will feel full for a long duration. The proteins also help build lean muscle mass, which, in turn, helps accelerate your metabolism.’ 

After vowing to try it, with some trepidation I stepped onto my Huawei ‘smart’ scale – it connects to a phone and tracks all changes in weight, body fat and muscle – and found to my surprise that, between August last year and the end of June 2020, I’d only gained three pounds. But these were concentrated around my midriff, hence the difficulty in buttoning up my shirts. 

Thanks to five days’ of the egg diet and some vigorous exercise I’ve shed two of those three pounds, and, by the end of the fortnight, with luck, I should  be back to being fit, tanned, sexy and slim. Well, even at 73 one can dream, can’t one?  

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Written by

Barry Duke