David Worboys: Why I like cats

Although cats are self-sufficient they are regarded as selfish and lacking in loyalty to their owners. This is probably because their pampering is restricted to being stroked and the occasional dish of milk or fish.

There are several reasons why I like cats. First, they don´t bark. When two cats meet another, they don´t cause a disturbance in the neighbourhood by howling greetings at each other. When you walk past a house or a garden with a cat in it, your senses are not assaulted by an aggressive chorus of barking. And on ringing somebody´s doorbell you are unlikely to be greeted by a menacing yowling sound. A cat is quiet unless involved in a short-term squabble over territory – or if its tail is trodden upon.

Second, they are dignified animals. When one cat meets another, it doesn´t sniff the other´s private parts. When the door of a cat owner is opened, the animal does not leap at your midriff, sniffing, snorting, slobbering, snarling and pawing at your legs. It remains asleep in a chair.

Third, cats are discreet about crapping – normally burying it, where circumstances allow. They don´t crap all over the streets, parks and beaches and are not allowed in bars and restaurants. They also take great pains to keep themselves clean and therefore they don´t stink.

Fourth, cats are independent. They find their own form of exercise and don´t require daily walks in the rain, the snow or the blazing heat. They don´t require a licence of ownership or a tag, and a driver who hits a cat on the road and kills it is not required to report the fact.

Fifth, and most important, cats never kill babies or children. Obviously, big cats are another matter, but we are concerned with the domesticated species. There is therefore no danger in the free movement of cats among us. Unless you are a mouse, a small rat or the occasional bird.

In fact, most of these attributes apply to cows, pigs, and pelicans. In very different ways, horses and pigeons fail on the street-crapping issue but are generally as harmless as cats. And they don´t bark.

In a similar way, I like people who don´t cackle loudly when they are drunk, interviewers who don´t interrupt their guests and footballers who don´t wrestle and pull shirts. I like the simple things that we should take for granted, like plenty of legroom in aircraft, fast-moving arrival checks at airports and guaranteed seating on trains. And the civilised things in life like welcoming service in restaurants and bars, a gesture of thanks when opening a door for somebody, and letting a driver through from a side road.

There are a lot of good things around us but in the end, it is all relative and certainly subjective.