The way I see it, by Mary Harboe

A Noobie’s Guide to Grammar

“Your children speak in a very old-fashioned way.”

This comment was from a friend during a family a trip back to Blighty when I was living the expatriate life.

As I am blessed with a vivid imagination, my friend’s comment conjured up a scene from a Jane Austen novel … of bonnets and lace trimmed aprons. Shaking my head in an effort to push aside images of Mr Darcy, it did make me stop and think.

My – now adult –  children have never lived in England. They were brought up in a peripatetic lifestyle as – together with their Chilean father – we moved from Holland, via Africa and the Middle East to eventually settle in Spain. They spoke Spanish to their father whilst I was responsible for their English. If I had a peculiar turn of phrase then they would inherit it; complete with my vocabulary. Logically, this meant that I too had an out-dated way of expressing myself.

It’s true that we missed out on whatever were the slang expressions of the day (this was long before social media), but I have always avoided saying anything that I don’t completely understand. A career in talk radio reinforced my policy of never using a word or phrase without fully understanding its meaning.

Surely there is nothing sadder than us oldies attempting to be cool by adopting the modern parlance. Memories of ageing uncles looking ridiculous while sticking their thumbs up, grinning and saying “swinging”;  or frowning, pointing them downward, muttering something about a situation or a person being “dodgy”.

That said, in order to negotiate our way around today’s world we all need a basic knowledge of new English. This is not in a futile attempt to look like we’re down with the kids; but in order not to panic when your teenage grandchild says that something is “sic/sick” or “dope” or “fire” (all positive new words which mean cool or excellent.)

It was a mere four years ago that I expressed my concerns about a “woke” future to some friends only to be met by their blank expressions “What does ‘woke’ mean?”, they asked.

I think we all now know the answer, but it does highlight my point about not pretending to understand, if you don’t.

It is never uncool to ask.

Just this morning, I couldn’t keep quiet, overhearing a conversation between The Husband and someone he was arranging to meet. The directions were slow and tedious, and I just knew he’d end up getting lost.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll put the postcode in the SatNav”, he said defensively. (A hopeless strategy in rural Norfolk)

“Tell him to drop you a pin”, I suggested helpfully. “He’s a lot younger than us – he’ll know how to do it.”

But, surprisingly, he didn’t and instead replied with a long WhatsApp message about turning left, then right then left again …

I quickly showed The Husband the world of opportunities that lies behind the + symbol, beside where you type your WhatsApp messages. It’s so easy to forward a map, with the pin marking your exact location. Dropping a pin truly is a brilliant system – and super easy to use. Just follow the instructions on the location symbol.

It was interesting to read that Scrabble has added almost 2,000 new words to their latest dictionary. The words include modern slang such as sitch and noobie– both of which I had to look up. Sitch comes from situation or state of affairs; and noobie (or newbie) is a newcomer.

Other words that will be allowed in Scrabble tournaments from next year include  my personal favourite, nibling (the child of a sibling) and doncha (don’t you). Terms linked to social media, such as grammable – something worthy of sharing on Instagram – have also made the cut.

When referring to social media some basic vocabulary is essential. Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Tik-Tok (which we don’t mention here*) and X (formerly known as Twitter) are collectively known as social media ‘platforms’.

Interestingly you have ‘friends’ on Facebook; but ‘followers’ on Instagram. However, like all good rules, there is also an exception: businesses that post on Facebook have followers not friends. You also have ‘followers’ on X; but ‘connections’ on LinkedIn.

Finally, I would reiterate the importance of “if in doubt, leave it out”. Much better to appear old -fashioned and uncool than to get it wrong.

Remember David Cameron’s faux pas when, as Prime Minister, he signed a distinctly un-funny, serious text message LOL believing it meant “lots of love” (which in itself was inappropriate); while we all know that it actually stands for “laugh out loud”. Who’s laughing now?

• Remember, Tik-Tok is aimed at youngsters with extremely short attention spans, youthful Millennials and Zoomers (Generation Z)

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