Mike Senker – People Say Such Dumb Things

WHY do people ask such stupid questions or say dumb things?

Like when you bump your head, some smart arse always pipes up ‘Mind your head!’  Err too late; I needed that information 10 seconds before, not 10 seconds after! Or ‘this goes without saying’.. Then they say it. One of my favourites is when someone starts a sentence, ‘With all due respect ….’ then you know they are not going to be the least respectful. How about ‘I don’t mean to be rude but …’   oh you so know they are going to be rude – oh so rude.  ‘Just between us’  …  ha ha, not a chance mate.  ‘It will only take a moment’ … 20 minutes later I’m still standing there like a lemon. ‘To be completely honest’ – now that one really worries me because it makes me think the rest of what they said wasn’t!!  Someone once said to me ‘for the most part’. What does that even mean? Oh how about, ‘At the end of the day’.  I always finish that when someone says it by saying ‘you go to bed’. They then say ‘what?’ and I say, ‘at the end of the day you go to bed’ and stare at them. Security at airports. I know they do a great job but some of the questions they are just repeating to every single person that they see like ‘Have you had your suitcase with you at all times’?  I know I should just say yes but sometimes I’m just forced to say ‘No it was in the loft for 11 months’.  How about when people phone you up and ask questions and finish up by asking your name. You give it to them and then they say ‘Can you spell it?’  Of course I can spell it, it’s my name. I’ve had it for 67 years and I’d be some kind of fool if I couldn’t spell it. Oh sorry what you meant was will I spell it for you. Sure I will. The English have an amazing knack of irony and sarcasm which sometimes just doesn’t translate especially to Americans. For instance I was in a bar in Miami with a crowd of friends and the waitress dropped a tray of glasses. We did what all good Brits would do. We all cheered and clapped and shouted ‘ladies and gentleman, a big hand for the juggler!!’ whilst the Americans just looked at us like we were nuts.

I mean how stupid is that?  Why would you cheer and clap? But we all do it.

So remember: If at first you don’t succeed ….skydiving is probably not the sport for you …to be honest!