Race for number 10 heats up

ANNOYING QUEUES: The should be laws. Credit: Shutterstock

WHEN I become Prime Minister (it’s between you and me now, Boris!) there’ll be some new laws… about queuing. First off, airports.

The thing that would make the most significant difference to queuing time is people being ready when they get to the top of the security queue. It puzzles me why coats and belts aren’t off, laptops out and toiletry bags ready by the time they get to the sorting table. It hardly comes as a complete surprise, they can see everyone else doing it, and as for the lady (sorry, ladies, but it IS often one of us!) who holds up everyone else with her umpteen liquids… And don’t get me started on queues in pubs.

My next law as PM will be this: anyone wanting cocktails must stand in a separate queue. So people like me (ie impatient folk) won’t any longer be held up by people wanting a Strawberry Rosé Sangria or a Bahama Mama Spritzer that the barman’s never heard of and hasn’t a clue how to make.

And then there’s the queue at the cash machine to get some money before you even get to the pub. You find you’re behind a couple who decide to have a no-holds-barred row after twigging someone’s spent all the dosh. Then there’s the dear soul who’s doing their entire banking via the machine and 20 minutes later tugs out a fiver.

Then someone who rummages around in her bag for several minutes looking for her card, can’t see the screen as it’s too sunny, so rummages around some more searching for hat and sunglasses. At last it’s your turn, you quickly insert card and pin, whereupon a message pops up saying the machine’s out of order.

And all you wanted was a beer! Hardly surprising drinking at home’s so prevalent. Finally, what about people who get on a bus and appear shocked they need to pay? Then the hunt for coins begins in pockets and purses. Meanwhile, you stand waiting outside… in the rain. Rant over: till next time…

Nora Johnson’s psychological crime thrillers ‘Betrayal,’ ‘The Girl in the Woods,’ ‘The Girl in the Red Dress,’ ‘No Way Back,’ ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.net) available from Amazon in paperback/eBook (€0.99;£0.99) and iBookstore. All profits to Costa del Sol Cudeca cancer charity.

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