Talk to older people as equals, says Costa del Sol expat Steve

Long-time Costa del Sol volunteer Steve has sent Euro Weekly News another plain-speaking note, this time on his concern of how we speak to our older neighbours, relatives and the people we meet at coffee mornings.

After nearly 30 years here and years listening through Age Concern Marbella – San Pedro, he is fed up with seeing older folk treated as if they have “little or no value”. “They have a wealth of knowledge gleaned after a lifetime of experience, and if asked are keen to share,” he writes.

Listen properly, then speak

Steve’s first rule is blunt. “Listen carefully giving them your full attention. If you feel you need to interrupt – don’t!” Talk in a calm, clear voice and “NEVER talk down to older folk. It’s very disrespectful.”

Patience comes next. “Everyone needs time to process what is being said at their own speed. Don’t be too quick to judge a slower response.” Hold eye contact. “Very important because it shows respect and your genuine interest in what is being said.” That sits with his earlier plea to listen first, talk second rather than deliver a monologue.

Open questions beat yes or no

Keep language simple. “If you need to explain you have lost their interest.” Ask what, where, who, why and how. “Rather than questions that only require a Yes or No answer. Your goal is to establish a conversation.”

Show empathy, he says, “when trying to relate and understand their feelings and concerns.” Watch posture and face as well as words. “Their body, face and posture can often tell you much more than words.” Then check you both understood. “Never assume.”

Treat them as adults

Steve’s last point is the one he keeps coming back to, whether he is writing about retirement and purpose or looking in on neighbours.

“Respect older folks’ independence, knowledge and life experiences. Speak to them as equals, involve them in any decisions and never make assumptions based on age.”

Health bodies say the same: the US National Institute on Aging tells staff not to hurry older people or use baby talk, and WHO guidance on talking with older adults stresses extra time, no interruption and eye contact.

Steve’s list is not medical jargon. It is how you stop a chat becoming a lecture, and how you let someone feel they still have worth.