Dawn of the Dumb: Galbani

It’s Galbani, you moron … G-A-L-B-A-N-I! There´s an excruciatingly funny UK blog called Ad Turds that pokes fun at really stupid commercials and invites submissions from people who are pushed by bad ads to the brink of insanity.

RESPONDING to the invitation, this week I started a list beginning with ads for Galbani mozzarella which leave no doubt that the Dawn of the Dumb really is upon us. Depending on the version, either a dorky female or fella badly mangles the word Galbani. So you hear them saying ‘Galabanani’ or ridiculous versions thereof.

Its purpose is, of course, to get us to stuff more of the brand down our gullets. But what it actually does is portray Brits as imbeciles who can’t get their tongues around a word as simple as Galbani.

When the TV version debuted, it sparked a great deal of fury, with normally laid back folk losing all self-control and saying things on discussion boards and social media such as ‘Just f***ing say Galbani!’  ‘It’s Galbani…GALBANI you annoying thick cow!’ and ‘Find the idiot who thought it was a good idea and hang him. ’I’ll supply the rope.

Speaking of being cheesed off, second on my list is an ad for Skoda. You have a male voice asking ‘Simon, where do you work?’ Simon answers ‘Skoda’ and gets ticked off for not pronouncing it properly: ‘Shko-dah. ’Now if you work for a company, surely you’d know how to pronounce its name, unless you’re as thick as porridge. It’s offensive because, like the Galbani ads, it presents Brits as morons.

But the one that’s currently annoying me more than any other concerns the UK’s future outside of the EU. The government is currently spending gazillions trying to convince people that leaving the EU will bring rainbows, kittens, bunnies and unicorns in abundance hence the rise of, the dawn and dumb. So, what I hear multiple times a day on LBC is ‘The UK’s new start: let’s get going’ ads.

They are a version of a statement issued in July by the ghastly Tory toff Michael Gove who said: ‘At the end of this year we are leaving the single market and Customs Union regardless of the type of agreement we reach with the EU. ‘This will bring changes and significant opportunities for which we all need to prepare …

This is a new start for everyone in the UK–British and European citizens alike–so let’s get going.’Of all the ads that assume all Brits are goggle-eyed ninny hammers, this one must surely take the biscuit–if not the entire packet. ‘Significant opportunities my arse,’ as Jim Royle, of ‘The Royle Family’  fame would say.

Thank you for reading this interesting column, “Dawn and dumb: Galbani”. Visit the Euro Weekly News for more columns like this one.

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Barry Duke