Mike Senker – Experts ?

MIKE SENKER: Grumpy but loved columnist

WHAT is it with experts – these people that know what’s best for me? They have never met me. I am me and I don’t know what’s best for me so what chance do they have?

I keep hearing adverts for financial advisers who know the absolute best way for me to earn squillions by using them. Well if they are so good why don’t they use their knowledge and earn the squillions themselves instead of nicking a bit of commission off the top from my investment? I love the end bit of the ads where they talk at about 500mph telling you how basically it’s not safe and the risk is all yours and your investment may not only drop but actually plummet. Or the expert at my bank that advised me to put my savings into some scheme they had going and which, after four years had earned nothing! I’m no expert but that ain’t good advice and when I complained he got all arsy and said it only ever guaranteed I wouldn’t lose money. Great!  Thanks for that!

What about the experts who say that studies show that everybody will be seen within four hours of arriving at A & E … not going to happen. And now, of course, we have all sorts of experts advising what will happen if the UK stays in or leaves the EU.  They can’t all be right but they all think they are!

Years ago a friend of mine asked me for a really good accountant that could advise him about going bankrupt. I said I could do better than that and gave him the name of another friend of ours. He said, “He’s not an accountant.” I said, “I know.” So why him? … Because he’s been bankrupt and he knows what it’s really like! I wanted house insurance when I lived in the U.K. The insurance company sent their expert round, who in turn recommended a locksmith and safe company, which of course they get commission from as they have to have the right spec etc. The neighbourhood local police also came and gave me advice. It was all very confusing. So I called my mate and said, “Who do you use to sort out your house insurance?” He told me to call Martin. I said, “Is he police or an insurance company man?” He said, “No he is an ex burglar and he knows exactly how to secure your property … he’s an expert in fact!”

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Written by

Mike Senker

Grumpy Old Man Mike Senker provokes laughter and some groans with his spot on observations of life in the modern age.