Mike Senker – Health and Safety

I’VE been away for a few days and have been staying in hotels and have had a couple of health and safety issues.

I had just finished a meal in the hotel restaurant and asked for a toothpick.

The young lady went off then came back and told me they didn’t have any. “Why?” This is my standard reply when people say no to me. You ready for this – ‘health and safety’. “What? Are you nuts? How on earth can a tooth pick be more dangerous than the steak knife you just gave me to eat the lousy overpriced tough burger you just served me and which I am having difficulty removing from my teeth?” As usual the person I was talking to was just staring at me blankly. I knew I was going to get no reason from her so I asked to see the manager. As my Polish is worse than my Spanish, I’m in the UK by the way not Poland, I was just told it was a head office decision along with removing all beer mugs with handles!!

To be honest I gave up pretty quickly for me and wandered back to my room in search of a business card to try and bend it into a shape that would do the trick which it did but not before getting some cardboard stuck in between my teeth!

The second incident is a blinder. I’m in my room, just had a shower and go to walk out of the bathroom. I open the door and as it opens it springs back, because there are two bathrobes hanging behind the door, and I stub my little toe. I am now rolling on the bed in agony calling the bathroom door every name possible. I look down and see it’s obviously broken as it’s kind of hanging there at a dodgy angle. I get dressed and manage to hobble down to reception as I need to strap it to the little piggy next to it. They open the first aid kit and I find a couple of plasters that will do the job. I then ask if they have any paracetamol to help with the pain. “Oh no sir we are not allowed to give out tablets – health and safety.” I said, “I just want a painkiller. I’ll sign a disclaimer.” Not a chance. Then I thought health and safety. They want health and safety, they can have it. I asked to see the manager and told him that he needed to see what had caused my broken toe. He said he will report it to the general manager and we will see what happens. Of course I will let you know. Because you know I’m not letting this go!