David Worboys – Funny old world

There are many funny things in our “old” world, in both senses of the word. There may be a case for saying that, with all the concerns facing our planet today, there are more funny-amazing than funny-amusing examples.

It would be disturbing if one million voters in America would welcome as the President of their country a dangerously delusional, seditious racist with a criminal record and the maturity level of a teenager. The fact that at least one hundred million feel this way is amazing – but far from amusing. Nobody should question whether Trump is fit to be President. They should be questioning whether he is fit to roam the streets as a free man.

It’s amazing that research at Melbourne University has “unearthed”  a black hole with a mass 17 billion times that of our sun. It powers the most brilliant source of light in the universe and it “devours” the equivalent of one sun every day. But how do all these facts come to “light”? How  do they measure distances approaching infinity and time spans approaching eternity?

I have often seen football fanatics interviewed on television. One was a mother who said “I love Everton more than my kids”. Another was a man with grandchildren reacting after West Ham United won the Europa Conference League title last year: “This is the happiest day of my life”. A third fan is convinced that Juergen Klopp is God.

The friend of an acquaintance of mine persuaded his German wife Jutta to name their first daughter Donna and the second Hedda. His friend knew that, before he met Jutta, he had been engaged to Hedwig from Germany and later he lived for two years with Donna from Italy. Maybe Jutta never found out how much his past conquests meant to him. If she did, she would probably not find it amusing.

In the past, euphemisms were for humour; now they are used to protect sensitivities. “To be food insecure” means starving or undernourished. A peeping tom has an “enquiring mind” and a lavatory is a “rest room”. “Visually impaired”, “intellectually (or vertically) challenged” are other peculiar examples, being no less offensive than “blind”, “backward” or “short”.

An uninhibited friend and former business colleague of mine had little tolerance of men who spent too long in the lavatory, holding others up – especially inflight. I was told that on one occasion he hammered on the door after a ten minute wait, shouting “What’s going on? Is it constipation, contemplation or masturbation?” Not so amusing for the culprit!

The use of gender-neutral nouns (“talisperson”) and pronouns (they) amazes me but I find it far from amusing. We cannot say “she is a good actress”; it must be “they is a good actor”. “I saw somebody trip over an adulthole cover”. This little red insect is a “personbird”. “They childcotted Russian goods”.

Eventually, non-transgender lavatories will be for “setters” and “pointers”. Amusing? No way!